You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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