I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
