bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
