My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am naked and annoyed.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
