I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
