How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
