Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
