idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
