I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's never too late to be topless.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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