Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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