The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
