I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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