I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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