Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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