yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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