dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
