I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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