I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
