Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
