Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
