Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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