Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
