mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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