I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
