i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
