I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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