somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
