Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
