I swear she didn't look like that last week.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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