how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
