I wish I could punch you in the face.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
