I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
