yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
