At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
do nipples grow back?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
