Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
