I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
