The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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