i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
