Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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