I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
