What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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