her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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