Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
