I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
