dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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