I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
