Me. At least after what I've been through.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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