When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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