Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
