Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
