If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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