i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
